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The Frog's Promise
I had an idea for a new twist on a cliched fable... see what you think. Consider it an updated Grimm's Fairy Tale.

I'm working on a sci-fi story cycle revolving around the idea of first contact. I get ticked off by the shallowness of most aliens in science fiction and this is my attempt to write a story with aliens who aren't either bug-eyed monsters or extensions of some human aspect. These aliens ought to be alien.

• December 11, 2047
• December 30, 2047
• December 31, 2047
• February 15, 2048
• May 29, 2048
• July 11, 2048
• August 25, 2048
• August 28, 2048

That's what these are. Stories. Not for kids or grown-ups, but for everyone. North America helped me write them.

• Smackdown: Ship of Fools
  Writer's block, soggy plots, and brackamurk as I invent a new type of conflict...
  
  
• Night of the Longnecks: Bar crawling to destiny... requires MS Word to view.
  
  
• Three Tales of the Coyote: The Joke, The Gift, and The Dinner
  
  
• Smackdown
  A tale of bad reviews, bad reviewers, and bad writing. I'm not the only one who got a laugh out of it, so I put it in the humor section.

The ones on the top of the list are the most recent editions and, hence, the most polished in style. I should re-write the ones at the bottom of the list, but I just don't have the time to do everything...

• A Study in Horror
  What is horror, anyway? (No gore at all. Really. Try it out...)
• The End and the Means
  Definitely a spine-tingler... (Plenty gore. Be careful, kids.)
• Digging
  A haunting tale of subterranean self-discovery. (Some gore, nothing a mature 6th-grader couldn't handle.)
• The Marriage
  I've been reading Clark Ashton Smith lately, and I think this one shows the results of that dabbling. It's a short story and done mostly as a bit of fun. See if you can find all the inside jokes... (Some gore, could be a bit much for the sheltered kids out there to handle...)
• Digging
  A chilling tale of subterranean self-discovery and ancient taboo. This is the second major revision. I thought I'd include it for anyone interested in seeing the development of the story.(Some gore, nothing a mature 6th-grader couldn't handle.)
• Digging
  A chilling tale of subterranean self-discovery and ancient taboo. This is the first time through for this work. Again, included as part of the variorum edition of this website.(Some gore, nothing a mature 6th-grader couldn't handle.)
• Teuthis
  An exploration into an underwater city reveals terrors that preferred to remain undisturbed. (This one gets pretty intense, especially at the end. Not for kids, that's for sure. Older teens and up would be an appropriate audience.)
• The Rude Administrator
  A cautionary tale about the necessity of reading the manual before you ask a technical question. (Gets kinda weird at the end... older kids can handle it, but it ain't no bedtime story!)
• Screaming Into the Abyss
  Discovery of supradimensional powers leads to a new sort of ethical dilemma as the conflict builds. (This gets brutal at the end. Like "Teuthis", this should be saved for your older teens and up.)
• Blakgard
  A vignette of a lawman that spares no mercy, whatsoever. (I originally wrote this one for a high school English class. It should be OK for junior high kids, as well.)

• Fun with Klingons!
  
  
• Top 10 things to not get pierced.
  
  
• Top 10 things to not get a tattoo of
  
  
• Top 10 things to not say to Great Cthulhu
  
  
• The Dangers of Running a Circus at Home
  Zzzptm Editor and CEO Dean Webb shows you firsthand evidence of how they really do mean business when they say, "don't try this at home!"
• How to Handle People That Won't Stop Bugging You
  Zzzptm Roving Correspondent Megan Lyle lets us in on how she makes sure folks never get too bothersome with her, courtesy a little help from Great Cthulhu.
• Too Many States
  The United States needed a face-lift, and I'm just the guy to do it! Let's get rid of all those tiny states and make a nation with some properly sized regions to it...
• 10 things not to say at an interview
  
  
• Missionstatementwocky
  A terror in several stanzas, with apologies to Lewis Carroll.
• The FAQ FAQ
  
If you are a total idiot, you should read this. Not that it would help, but you should still read it.
• 10 reasons Alexander the Great wasn't a good manager
  
  
• Do cockroaches make good pets?

I begin with a set of commentaries on Machiavelli's classic tome, The Prince. Enjoy, especially if it's required reading.

Other essays:

• On Editing Out the World Trade Center originally posted 1 October 2001
• On Unintended Consequences originally posted 30 June 2001
• This is Getting Silly originally posted 29 March 2001
• Solving Our Nation's Traffic Problems originally posted 19 February 2001
• Hawaiian Shirt Monday originally posted 11 January 2001
• Politics? In an Election? originally posted 15 November 2000
• On "The Shrub" Guest essay originally posted 14 October 2000
• On Digitally Modified Ads originally posted 22 September 2000
• The Presidential Election So Far originally posted 5 September 2000
• Management by Walking Around originally posted 22 August 2000
• Carnivore originally posted 16 August 2000

• The Eye of God
  When I write poetry, I tend to reveal my religion and philosophy on life, which are quite positive. Amazing, considering some of the stuff that's happened to me.
• April 26, 7:23 AM
  Floating cities overhead...
• Creation
  An exploration into madness and creativity that made more than one person stop and think deeply.
• Crucifixion and Resurrection
  A personal dedication to what I consider the most sacred series of events, ever.
• Death Camp
  A poem of lawnmowing and genocide.
• spring for everyone, even the publisher
  When I couldn't get a favorite poem of mine, I had to write this one.
• Resolution of a Question
  Wisdom in a brief scene.
• Enter the Teacher
  One of the better explanations I've come up with for myself in some time.
• I Looked at Anguish at the Pit of the Night
  Lonliness can be a terrible, painful thing.
• Insanity Watches You
  Sometimes, it even watches you from within your own mind. Does that bother you?