Subscribe to the ZZZPTM Hotcraze Update list!

Email Address:
You Need Help.

This site is best viewed at monitor resolutions of 1024x768 pixels or better and a color depth of 15-bit color or better. (Anything more than 256 colors...) Please set your graphics settings appropriately. Go on. we'll wait. If you have to reboot, we'll still be here at Zzzptm, waiting for you. You should also make sure your browser displays graphics. Be patient for any graphics downloading and you'll have a lovely experience, or at least one that won't kill you.

The navigation bar above contains a link to each main page of the Zzzptm site. It's on almost every page for your convenience. Some pages also have a watermark graphic on them, either at the top or bottom of the page, that links back either to the main page or to its parent page. The watermark also serves to identify which site you've shown up at, should any down-level page be linked from somewhere else. You should see the watermark to your right. It even works...

What Zzzptm Means.

Zzzptm (as explained by Dean Webb)

Zzzptm came about one summer's day while I was listening to some guys at my scout camp talk about how they were going to mess with teachers' heads next year at high school. They talked about changing their names to something wild and impossible to pronounce, and one of them suggested ZZZ-PT!, spelled Z-z-z-p-t-m. "M?" asked the other. "The M is silent," the first one explained...

They never went through with it. They never even bothered with Zzzptm again. I liked it, though, and I actually used it. It was cool signing my papers "Zzzptm Webb" and having them come back to me. Some teachers even played along and called me Zzzptm from time to time. It was always fun to explain how to pronounce it. You say "Zzz" like a buzzing sound, then "pt" comes out like a rather rude noise. There should be no vowels in there, anywhere. If you say something like "Ziz-put" or "Zip-it", you said it wrong. If you pronounced the "m", go sit in the car until you've learned your lesson about pronouncing silent letters and are ready to behave yourself in the world of proper grammar.

Anyway, ever since I was 14, I've used the name "Zzzptm" to identify one creative endeavor after another. When it came time to get my own domain, my wife suggested Zzzptm as the name, and Zzzptm it is. Ironically, it wasn't my first choice, but I'm glad I have it now. Zzzptm is me, my family, my way of looking at things. For better or worse, it's my website name and an identifier for things associated with it.

Content Standards

Keep it clean. That's the motto here at Zzzptm. You shouldn't find anything gratuitously violent, prurient, or nasty at this site. We don't like to shock with brute force, and we eschew such brutality in our works. We admit we have strange stuff here, but it won't be of a nature that you would have to hide from your children until they're 30. Some of the horror fiction isn't intended for little children, but I think it would be appropriate for early adolescents on up.

Not everyone will understand everything, and I'm sure someone could take something here way out of context or infer some meaning that was never intended in the first place. Such misinterpretations or miscommunications are not the fault of Zzzptm or anybody involved with Zzzptm. We apologize for any such inconveniences, but we're not changing the content unless we really think we ought to. If you think anything here should be forever banned from the web, contact us and we'll listen to what you have to say. We may not agree with you or your course of action, but we aren't so high and mighty as to think everything here is sacrosanct and inviolate: if we think something really needs to come down, it will come down.

Tools and Credits

This site has been proudly manufactured with some great tools. We coded our HTML in Arachnophilia, absolutely the best HTML editor we know. It's text-based, costs no money (although it is not free... it's careware), and gets regular updates from its author, Paul Lutus. Graphics are another matter: one should never use a text-based HTML editor to fooble graphics. Instead, we use Paint Shop Pro, for which we paid good money. It has nearly all the features of a higher-end graphics package, and an interface we find more intuitive. We love it, and we'll use it for quite some time to come.

For other stuff, it's up to stock images, our scanner, warped imaginations, and a good eye or two. Dean Webb is the lead content writer and contributor here, but not the only one. Yvette Webb provides quite a bit of help, as well. She not only works wonders with MS Publisher, but helps select colors, proof copy, and provide critical feedback for layout and graphical elements. Her assistance here is invaluable. Their children help too, providing cuteness here and there, and some great poses for the camera. As they get older and more responsible, they'll chip in more help.

Other folks will contribute bits and pieces of raw material from time to time, be they photographs they want foobled, or cooking up ideas with Dean or Yvette. If you have an idea, let us know. If it's original and you are contributing it for free, we'll consider using it!

Usage of this Material

Karmaware (an explanation by Dean Webb)

There's hardware, software, freeware, shareware, vaporware, and all other kinds of ware. Now there's karmaware, thanks to my invention. Here's how it works: Karmaware is absolutely free from a monetary point of view. Give this stuff away, if you can. If you get karmaware, pass it along. Eventually, it will get back to its creator via someone who loved it and sent it along to a friend, unaware that the friend was the one who created it. No finer or higher compliment could be possible.

All karmaware is bound by an end-user agreement. The agreement is simple: don't claim this stuff for yourself or charge others for it and give credit where credit is due or you reap bad karma, dude. If you didn't make it up, identify your sources so they can be recognized for their accomplishments. Don't turn the free into the pay-per-view because that is wrong. You reap bad karma for bad things you do no matter what your religious convictions may be.

Karma is a one-word summation of the concepts "you reap what you sow," "what goes around, comes around," and "chickens always come home to roost." Do good, get good. Do bad, get bad. Not all karma comes due in your life, but it all catches up afterward. See how nifty this concept is? Now I don't have to enlist laywers, patent attorneys, or other ne'er-do-wells in defending my intellectual creations. I got the eternal, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient superunknown cycle of cosmic karma to crush those who dare mock the karmaware end-user agreement. I got my e-ternal mojo workin', and it's got an eye on you, pal.

If you agree to the karmaware end-user agreement and sign away your everlasting soul to it, exist. Agreement is retroactive to moment of first existence. Existence is defined as either existing or trying to prove non-existence. Cessation of existence does not expire end-user agreement.

Other fine karmaware products include the Internet (once you pay your access fees), air, the Earth, and the Entire Star-Filled Universe. Enjoy them and honor your end-user agreements.

Now you're ready for the rest of the site. Click on that link in the corner, down there, on the right, and get back to the main page and enjoy yourself.