Missionstatementwocky
A terror in several stanzas by Dean Webb, after Lewis Carroll and several terrible strategic long-term visioning sessions...
'Twas brillig, and the slithy sales
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the marketers
And the IT staff outgrabe.
"Beware the mission statement, my son!
The clauses that bite, the words that catch!
Beware the new buzzword, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"
He took his verbing sword in hand:
Long time the wordful foe he sought --
So rested he by the pot coffee,
And stood awhile in thought.
And as in uffish thought he stood,
The mission statement, with eyes of end-user empow'r'd flame,
Came whiffling in a manner thoughtfully consistent with best practices through the tulgey wood,
And burbled responsive, just-in-time logistical scenarios via object-oriented iconic graphical user interfaces built with cutting-edge development techniques and backward-compatible policy options with attention to product quality and long-term customer satisfaction while maintaining overall incremental bottom-line savings of at least 10% on the year previous as it came!
And when Alice read the mission statement, she declared, "It's very pretty, but hard to understand! It seems to fill my head with ideas -- only I don't exactly know what they are! However, somebody precisely defined the purpose of something, that's clear, at any rate..."
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The verbing blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with his head
He went gallumphing back.
"And hast thou slain the mission statement?
Come to my arms, my concisish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy sales
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the marketers
And the IT staff outgrabe.