Chamaeleon Horoscope for 22 January 2011

NOTE TO THE WORLD: I have decided to secede from the ancient confines of traditional astrology, based upon Babylonian noodlings about the stars. It’s fatalistic, shoving people into their places based upon their time of birth, giving rise to notions of legitimacy based solely upon that factor and ruling out any possibility of a merit-based system. Such a system offends my modern sensibilities, and I won’t be party to it.

Therefore, I have chosen a new sign for myself. I decided to break out of the Eurocentric mold and seek outside the Northern Hemisphere for my sign. I went with the Southern constellation “Chamaeleon” because the name is easy to figure out. It’s a chameleon. People born under the sign of Chamaeleon are like me, because I said so. If you’re not like me, you’re some other kind of constellation, so feel free to shop around and make up your own.

I will now make up my own horoscope. I do this for two reasons:

  • 1. I want to choose my own destiny.
    2. When I check my supposed traditional horoscope, every site has a different, often contradictory reading.
  • Therefore, I conclude that making up my own horoscope, based on what I know about myself, will be way more accurate than anything some other astrologer could pull out of his head. And I get to be a chameleon! How cool is that?

    Today’s Horoscope for Chamaeleon: Today is a good day for spending time with family. Consider taking your daughter to an Adventure Princess campout at Great Wolf Lodge. Showering will be important today: be sure to use soap. Consider pizza for supper at a familiar restaurant in Grapevine. Grade papers if you have time, but don’t worry if you let work slide a little to enjoy yourself.

    WOW! It’s like the guy giving that horoscope REALLY KNOWS ME!!!! It’s so true! Wow! It’s not vague and open-ended like all those other horoscopes…

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