Category Archives: Ze Rest of Ze Ztuffm

Really Bad Record Reviews

I’ve worked on a few lately, had lots of fun. Here’s a link to one of four I did in the last 3 days:

My inspiration came from Rolling Stone record reviews where it was clear that the reviewer either had an axe to grind, wanted to review a different record, or hadn’t bothered to listen to the album at all.

As it turns out, it is very easy to put out a bad review. When one disposes of the entire listening process, all that’s left is the cover and the track list, and those can get knocked out in a matter of minutes.

For me, the trick is in making a connection back to Pink Floyd that reveals my complete ignorance of the band I’m being all pretentious and elitist about. Sometimes I can, and that’s the delivery on the musical joke.

It Ain’t Gonna Rain No More

When I was in Boy Scouts, I learned a song that has stuck with me for the rest of my years thus far. It’s called “It Ain’t Gonna Rain No More”, and it’s a rousing, irreverent tune that’s a load of fun to sing. The chorus is simple:

It ain’t gonna rain no more no more
It ain’t gonna rain no more
How in the heck can I wash my neck
If it ain’t gonna rain no more

Since I’m a Cubmaster once more, I thought I’d collect the verses I liked best and compose some ones of my own. Here goes:

Bullfrog sitting on a lily pad
He looked up at the sky
The lily pad broke and the frog fell in
He got water all in his eye

Skeeter he fly high
And skeeter he fly low
Skeeter he land on my arm
(smack your arm) He ain’t gonna fly no mo’!

Peanut sitting on the railroad track
Its heart was all a-flutter
Around the bend came Number four
Toot! Toot! Peanut butter

Noah built himself an ark
Got animals two by two
And pretty soon he had himself
The world’s first floating zoo

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck
If a woodchuck could chuck wood?
If he held a saw in his little paw
A ton of wood he could

The Grand Old Duke of York
He had ten thousand mens
But when he counted chickens
He had ten thousand hens

Man lived by the sewer
And by the sewer he died
They couldn’t call it murder
So they called it sewercide

The mice are very quiet
As they skitter all about
But if you ask, “Who wants some cheese?”
Then you’ll hear them shout

A cow walked on the railroad track
The train was coming fast.
The train got off the railroad track
To let the cow go past

I found myself a new pet dog
A strangely-shaped old fella
He’s wide and flat, his tail won’t bend
He makes a fine umbrella

A pig and a hen went for a walk
Just to stretch their legs,
A motorcar came round the bend,
Toot! Toot! Ham and eggs.

I never saw a purple cow
I never hope to see one
But I can tell you anyhow
I’d rather see than be one.


Don’t Demonize

So I see this image from “We Love Donald J. Trump” on a friend’s page… It’s a mass of negative generalizations about the Democrat party and positive generalizations about the Republican party. I’m not going to post my response on my friend’s page because I’m going to post it here, where I’m free to have here what I want to have here.
It’s highly generalized, which makes it inaccurate. The “lower taxes” item considered in the Republican’s favor, for example, means more deficit spending, which is essentially taxing your children so you can party today. The GOP-associated “Small government” is more words than actual action. The reality is that a true small government would also mean significant dismantling of the military along with medicare and medicaid. I don’t know of many politicians of either party willing to reduce those things to the point where we would have a true pre-1900 sort of small government.
At the same time, I don’t know anyone that’s pro-abortion, which is used to label the Democrats. There are people who support allowing the freedom of choice, so it’s just as easy to say that Republicans are anti-freedom, if we use the same inaccurate generalization.
Wanting to make sure that police work is done accurately, fairly, and with respect to our Constitutional rights doesn’t make a person anti-police (which is pinned on the Democrats), and wanting immigration reform doesn’t make a person anti-ICE (also pinned on Democrats), or for open borders and/or illegal immigration (yes, also used to tag the Dems). Going with inaccurate generalizations would paint all Republicans as closet Nazis, just waiting for a police state and concentration camps. That’s as ludicrous as some of the generalizations being made here.
Point being that, yes, there are differences between the major political parties after several decades of them being pretty much the same. But a person is not a demon simply for making a conscientious choice to support one party or another. Language that demonizes the opposition only makes it easier for the group doing the demonizing to itself become more extreme in its views.