Author Archives: deanwebb

Dr. Negron-Omikon’s Robot Army

Dr. Negron-Omikon wrought his hands with unconcealed glee. “Well, H.P., you’ve outdone yourself this time!”

He gloated over acres and acres of tanks, robot tanks, that surrounded his observation tower. The testing had been a huge success and now his robot army was ready to smash into the Swedish army, fortified along the high banks of the Parana River.
How the Swedish army was on the Parana River, fighting the combined forces of the USA and Indonesia was a funny enough story in and of itself, but Dr. Negron-Omikon had no time for geopolitical musings. This was his moment, the zenith of his career, no doubt, and he was about to be rewarded handsomely for it.

General Ludd stood behind the gifted genius. “So, these robot tanks gonna do the trick?”

Dr. Negron-Omikon turned with the grace and pleasure of a billionaire, which he was about to be. “They will do the trick, and more, General Ludd. They will not only take the high ground on the opposite bank, they will shatter the entire Swedish army. This,” he stamped his foot and pointed downward with gravitas, “will be the decisive battle of the war, and you,” same stamp and gravitas, but now with a finger pointed at the general, “will be the victor that history will celebrate.”

General Ludd chewed his gum. “What about you?”

“The funds that will be deposited into my accounts will be reward enough.”

“I’m sure they will be.” The general looked suspiciously at the robot tanks. “These things immune to, uh… tampering?”

“Absolutely. We learned the lessons of unmanned vehicles of the past. Because of my patented system of communication via spontaneous subatomic particle pairs, the enemy will be unable to jam, intercept, alter, or fabricate any instructions we send them.”

“So nothing like the drone debacle at Poughkeepsie last year?”

“No sir.”

“And no disaster like the failed assault on Mt. Pinatubo?”

“No, nothing at all like that. These aren’t even armed with tactical nuclear weapons, for starters.”

The general kept up his interrogation. “How about the betrayal at the Battle of Yakutsk? We gonna see that happen?”

“Again, sir, because of our absolutely secure means of communication, nothing like that will happen.”

The general chewed his gum in silence, then, “So you say.”

“So I know.” Dr. Negron-Omikon held his head high, ready to defend his creations to the hilt.

“All right then.” General Ludd shrugged. “Commence the attack.”

Dr. Negron-Omikon nodded and pressed the big red button in front of him, the one labeled START.

Countless hordes of robot tanks rolled forward. Swedish cannons poured armor-piercing rounds at the tanks, but both their armor and nuclear dampers prevented both conventional and nuclear shells from doing significant damage. And those tanks that were damaged got pushed into the river, creating the basis for a bridge.

General Ludd frowned. “Pontoons would have done the job, and been cheaper, as well.”

The scientist had a ready answer: “This is combat engineering at its finest. You think the Swedish dogs would let us build a bridge in peace, prior to the attack?”

“They did at Second Budapest.”

“And then what happened?”

“Well, they shot everyone that crossed over the bridge. Point taken.”

Meanwhile, the bridge of tanks had grown rapidly. Soon, it touched the far shore. When that happened, the tanks revved their engines and plowed ahead at 100 kilometers per hour. When they hit the cliffs, they collided with them, forming the base of a wedge.

General Ludd watched on, disbelievingly, as the wedge grew tall enough to reach the height of the cliffs.

Dr. Negron-Omikon said, “Now, get ready for some real action.”

The robot tanks roared into even higher gear and blasted a breach in the Swedish lines. A cloud of dust rose over the battle.

Mingled in the dust, some larger particles seemed to arc through the air.

General Ludd asked, “What’s that in the dust?”

Dr. Negron-Omikon handed the general a pair of binoculars. “Why don’t you look for yourself?”

The general brought the binoculars to his eyes. He saw, to his horror, that the larger things were actually human legs and arms!

“Dr. Negron-Omikon, what in the name of Mars is going on?”

“Ah, that, my good general, is how we win the war.”

“Explain!”

“Certainly. The robots are programmed to decimate the enemy.”

“Well I can see that!”

Dr. Negron-Omikon bore the interruption with the patience of a very rich saint. “Decimate, as in the original sense of the word, to kill one of every ten men.”

“Wait, only one of every ten? How do we win if we don’t kill the enemy?”

“The robots wound horribly the other nine, that’s how. Every participant in this battle on the enemy’s side is either dead or a huge burden on his nation’s health care system. We won’t bleed them dry: we’ll keep them donating blood until judgment day!”

General Ludd chomped on his gum. “I see.”

“And those arms and legs that aren’t from wounded soldiers are from the bodies of the deceased. The robots make it a special point to desecrate the bodies of the fallen.”

“That’s a war crime, you nutcase!”

“Only if we lose the war, my good general. Besides, with the terror such a series of acts will create, the enemy will be ready to surrender, leading to the saving of lives from future battles. It’s only humanitarian to fight a war in such a way.”

“I see,” said the general. He nodded understandingly and looked through his binoculars again. “I see that the robots are returning. Good job, Doctor.”

“Wait, what?” Dr. Negron-Omikon’s smile became a bit false.

“They’re returning. They’re on their way back.”

“Oh dear. May I see those binoculars?”

“Uh, sure, uh… say, what’s going on?”

What was going on, to Dr. Negron-Omikon’s horror, was the disobedience to his orders. He had ordered the robots to take and hold the heights, nothing else. If those robots were coming back, it could mean only one thing…

No, that would be too impossible! The testing had some aberrations, but nothing like this!

Well, maybe something like this was possible… with the numbers being used… the scientist did some quick calculations in his head… oh dear, yes, that was a sufficient number, after all, especially if the cybertronic units in the fallen tanks weren’t totally out of commission.

General Ludd asked rather loudly and rudely, “Say, they didn’t develop some kind of hive consciousness and decide to turn on their human masters, did they?”

Dr. Negron-Omikon said nothing and stood absolutely still.

General Ludd spat out his gum. “I knew it! Dammit, Negron-Omikon, this wasn’t supposed to happen!”

“Well, general, no accidental development of self-aware machines is supposed to happen.”

“I don’t know whether to kill you now or wait for the robots to do it!”

“Probably better for us both if there’s one of us to decimate and the other one left to survive.” Dr. Negron-Omikon gulped. “If you don’t kill me, then we both have a 50-50 chance of only being horribly mangled instead of a 100 percent chance of being killed outright.”

The first few tanks had begun to fall off the edge of the cliff, just a few meters from the wedge of broken tanks that they had climbed up.

“What the?”

Bewildered, the general and the scientist watched as the tanks flowed over the edge to their shattered doom below.

Dr. Negron-Omikon said, “Well, it looks as though there may be a slight error in their GPS navigation.” His speculation was borne out as a few tanks that had managed to survive the fall limped into the river and sank just a few meters away from where the tank bridge crossed the mighty Parana.

The flow of tanks slowed to a trickle as the most advanced elements made their way back, where they invariably fell or drowned. All that was left of the battle were hundreds of thousands of injured Swedes and two completely unscathed Americans in an observation tower.

General Ludd ran the after-action report meeting.

“All right, Doctor. Let’s run over the successes and the opportunities for improvement. First success: your robots did a real number on the Swedes. Good job with that.”

Dr. Negron-Omikon hesitated to bask in glory, knowing that the failures were about to be summed up.

“However, I don’t care for the waste in building a bridge and scaling a cliff. Get some specialized units that can engineer that stuff under fire. Apart from that, good stuff, here.”

Dr. Negron-Omikon was confused. Where was the verbal abuse? Where was the threatened firing squad? Didn’t the general threaten to kill him just a few minutes ago?

General Ludd said, “I know what you’re thinking. Didn’t I threaten to kill you a few minutes ago? Yes, I did. I’m sorry for that. It was a momentary lapse of discipline, and I apologize for that.”

“So, you’re not mad?”

“I’m not mad. I’m thinking clearly, now. These robot tank armies of yours have great potential.”

“Even though they formed a hive mind and turned on us?”

“Well, that’s why I didn’t complain about the GPS errors. I see that as a mitigating factor when they mutiny. We could probably also stand to deploy them in smaller numbers. You got a winner here, doc, and you can expect your check… as soon as the war with Sweden is over.”

On the one hand, Dr. Negron-Omikon was happy that he hadn’t been summarily executed. On the other hand, he was a bit impatient for the money. He had just ordered a pool to be put in at his home. Now he was going to have to take out a loan to cover the costs.

Ah well, all is fair in love and war.

And, thanks to the battlefield prowess of Dr. Negron-Omikon’s robot army, the war with Sweden lasted only five more days. Sixty days after the cease-fire, a letter arrived in Dr. Negron-Omikon’s mailbox with “United States of America Department of the Treasury” stamped on the return address.

Greedily, Dr. Negron-Omikon tore open the envelope. He looked at the check inside, and his eyes widened abnormally. He then looked at the accompanying accounting statement and his eyes widened even more.

Then he blinked.

He looked at the check again.

It was for seventeen dollars and thirty-seven cents.

He then looked at the accounting statement.

Out of his payment of thirteen billion dollars, exactly twelve billion, nine hundred ninety-nine million, nine hundred ninety-nine million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and eighty-two dollars and sixty-three cents had been subtracted… for destroyed and damaged robots.

For, with the advent of entirely automated forces, not only could the precise cost of war be calculated… it could also be deducted from wages, tips, and other income.

Dr. Negron-Omikon had an overwhelming urge to exact an ironic revenge, but the US Army owned the big red START button, so there wasn’t a lot he could do except chalk it up to experience and hope that he got another idea as good as the massive robot army.

And soon, too. That pool wasn’t gonna pay for itself.

Stillness at .99c

As I sit in my chair, the world whirls around its axis, the earth swings around the sun, the sun hurtles around the center of the galaxy, the galaxy plunges around the center of the local group, the local group screams around the strange attractor of the supercluster, which itself flies blindly through the void of voids – and yet, I am able to find stillness within my heart.

Pain

Pain is a strange thing, especially when I can’t simply banish it. I have to choose how to react to it. I try to understand it. Even if I fail at understanding, the effort allows me to better tolerate it and to be more patient when I experience it. Pain, to me, is no longer an unwelcome companion, but a stern instructor that I can learn to respect and value.

16 January 2015, 7:20 AM

Age is relentless. Pains, aches, doubts, diseases: these are the wolves of time. They hunt us down in ever-increasing numbers as our days mount in number. Victory is not in banishing these things, but in not letting them destroy faith, hope, charity, and bravery. The day of our demise draws near. Blessed is the man that can greet that day without complaint or fear.

“Think of the Children!”

Just had a thought and the research backs me up: if we want to reduce the total number of senseless deaths in America, we should essentially ban tobacco and alcohol before we ban bullets and guns. Because guns and their parts like AR-15 uppers and bullets, are essential in maintaining the security of the American citizen. While I deplore senseless killings done with firearms, I deplore even more the larger number of people killed via the greed of the tobacco and alcohol industries. Let me explain.

First, some facts for my arguments:
WHO: Mortality Attributable to Tobacco
WHO: Alcohol
CDC: Deaths and Mortality
UNODC: World Drug Report

With those in hand, it’s clear that tobacco and alcohol are major contributing factors to global mortality. Put it in the language of a wager: If I bet with a billionaire that I would pay him one dollar for every death of a person over 30 years of age not attributable to alcohol or tobacco and he were to pay me five for every death of a person over 30 that was, I’d make $2 per 10 deaths. That would be $500,000 for the USA, alone. I’d clear over $10,000,000 for the rest of the world. Sadly, that would be the only benefit from such tragedies.

If Americans understood science and math better, we would react with as much shock and horror to a person consuming alcohol or tobacco as we would to a person carrying an automatic firearm into an elementary school. The potential for damage is enormous, but is more certain and more pervasive in the case of alcohol and tobacco.

Consumption of those products is not strictly a personal choice, although conscientious users take steps to reduce overall risks to others by taking certain precautions when consuming them. Even so, alcohol use impairs judgment and can lead to accidental fatalities and assaults. Tobacco use can be sequestered so that others need not deal with exposure to the carcinogens in that product, but it is not so easy to isolate others from medical costs related to tobacco use for their loved ones. If one doesn’t have a completely self-funded medical expense account, one simply should not smoke or drink. Claiming the benefits of a health insurance scheme is no good, either, as that passes the cost on to other participants in that scheme or to the nation at large. Quite selfish to levy a tax on others, so that one could consume a given product.

And if this makes a reader angry, I’d retort that that’s the selfishness kicking in, fighting to keep the habit going. Look at the facts: smokers and drinkers can and will put others at hazard, either over time or instantly, and will pass costs of their consumption on to others, to a greater degree than killers with firearms or other weapons. Given that a goodly portion of manslaughters and murders are alcohol-related, one could even make an argument to reduce those by way of banning alcohol.

I’m not really calling for a government ban, either. I’m only calling for better education in math and science. Let those currently using quit or die on their own. It’s the new customers that we should be focusing on. How best to deter them from engaging in habits that will contribute to if not directly cause mayhem far out of proportion to their personal benefit? If we can get a generation to grow up without choosing to destroy the lives of themselves and others via tobacco and alcohol, then we can visit attention on other preventable leading causes of death.

Je Suis Margot Wallström

Margot Wallström criticized Saudi Arabia for its imprisonment of free speech advocates and its horrendously misogynistic laws, such as requiring female children to marry their rapists. Saudi Arabia and other Gulf nations howled and the West… told her to shut up. When the Swedish arms industry became scared that they might lose sales to the Saudis, she got pressured to actually *apologize* for telling the truth. Are we Charlie Hebdo only if it doesn’t impact the profits of the military-industrial complex?

http://www.spectator.co.uk/2015/03/swedens-feminist-foreign-minister-has-dared-to-tell-the-truth-about-saudi-arabia-what-happens-now-concerns-us-all/http://www.spectator.co.uk/2015/03/swedens-feminist-foreign-minister-has-dared-to-tell-the-truth-about-saudi-arabia-what-happens-now-concerns-us-all/

Happy New Thingy

The completion of the annual revolution of the earth is marked with celebration and reflection. Our limited mortality prevents us from doing the same when our sun completes a trip around the galactic core or when our galaxy finishes its path around the central attractor of the local cluster… to say nothing of when the local cluster or its containing supercluster complete their cycles. And yet, nature has the biggest bash of all: after the heat death of the universe, quantum tunneling can lead to a release of baryonic matter and energy, in a new big bang event, starting another cycle on its way. Happy New Year, in perspective.

Harmony with Islam

I just read some awful diatribe about how the West and Islam can never co-exist peacefully. Horsefeathers, I say. They can coexist just fine. We just have to do our due diligence in telling the difference between immigrant assimilation issues, geopolitically-fueled crimes, intolerant views held by a minority, and actual clashes of civilization.

I want to look first at the notion of Muslims somehow being less tolerant of other faiths than those other faiths are of Islam. In Spain in 1492, the rulers there began a set of policies that would eject Muslims and Jews from Spain. Hardly a symbol of Western tolerance – and it was Muslim nations, such as the Ottoman Empire, that welcomed in the Jewish population. The Jewish track record in the West pretty much stinks, really, what with ghettos and the whole Holocaust thing. Christian denominations within Western nations didn’t fare so well, either. Protestants, Reformed, and Catholics alike committed massacres of the pacifist Anabaptists during the religious upheavals of the 16th and 17th Centuries. My own ancestors fled the United States in the 1840s and again in the 1890s because of religious persecution. They were Christian, but the USA seemed determined to deny them a right to practice their faith as they saw fit to do so.

And lest this become some argument for atheism, let me level the intellectual cannons at that lot. Atheism in the West is simply intolerant of all faiths and, like the religions they criticize, will cannibalize its own dissenters if they don’t hold fast to a consensus view. Atheism in the West is not a movement that liberates people from group-think: it rather introduces a new paradigm for rejecting others based upon a set of beliefs. They’re no better than any other group that uses a supposed proof to justify persecution of anyone that does not agree with said proof.

No, the true salvation from religious intolerance is to practice a mature faith that realizes each person is free to make choices, even choices that disappoint us. We must practice a mature faith that allows for others to find their own ways. We must practice a mature faith that seeks to find out what common ground we have with others, and not to discover fighting grounds.

I, a Christian, walked through a mosque and a Hindu mandir with a Muslim and a Hindu at my side through both experiences. I felt the faith being expressed in both locations. I have visited the places of worship of other Christian denominations and have been moved by their expressions of faith. Though I may not worship in the same way, do I not seek the same peace that they all seek? In our devotions, we are taught the need to love others and to strive to bless their lives through our deeds. The same is taught in the Quran, though it may deny Jesus’ divinity. The same is taught in the Bhagavad-Gita, thought it may not have arisen out of the Southwest Asian monotheistic traditions. There is much more in our faiths that is alike than that which is different.

History shows that man can be cruel, but history also shows that man can be compassionate. It all depends upon our choices.

So, wherefore the existence of these conflicts? How to explain the terrorism and the lack of integration of Muslims into European societies?

Let me start with the matter of integration: integration does not happen in segregated environments. When people are free to move in and out and among society freely, families integrate over the course of roughly three generations. Put another way, allow for 75 years to integrate a wave of immigration. Looking at blacks in the USA, they were not really allowed to begin to integrate until around 1950, which puts us now in the third generation of their internal immigration experience. While not many people are shocked by interracial marriages in 2015, such things were forbidden in 1961, when JFK refused to allow Sammy Davis, Jr. to appear at his inauguration on account of his being married to a white woman.

Muslims in Europe have a difficult time integrating because of how they’ve largely been confined to ethnic neighborhoods and in the ways that they’ve faced legislation designed to keep them from participating fully in their host society. When Algeria became independent from France, for example, France then terminated the veterans’ benefits and pensions for all Algerians that had served in the French army during WW2, even if those Algerians lived in France and were French citizens. If Muslims have a hard time of integrating in Europe, look to the racism of the powerful before condemning the clannishness of the weak.

But even eliminating those racist laws will not be an immediate panacea. The three-generation process begins at that point. If the USA is any guide, there will be upheavals, riots, assassinations, murders, rapes, and anguished national questions all along the way. Our answer to those questions need not be a “final” answer, as the Germans reached for in the 1940s. It can be the more difficult answer of tolerance and decency.

So, on to terrorism. Here, I would also point a finger at the men in charge of the powerful nations. In the 1950s through the 1980s, NATO nations and nearby neutral European nations had “stay-behind” programs. These were under the umbrella of Operation GLADIO, and these groups were built up to offer partisan resistance to Soviet forces, in the event of a Warsaw Pact overrunning of Western Europe. These groups were made up largely of men that feared Communists most – many former Nazis and fascists either joined or were recruited for GLADIO teams. Once formed, groups like the CIA saw them as assets that could be used to help steer public opinion away from leftist political movements. The GLADIO groups would commit acts of terrorism and the state would then quickly blame Communists for them, causing public outcry – and a shift in electoral preferences. Anti-terror laws in those nations never focused on the actual perpetrators of the terror, but on supposed enemies of the state. While the USSR had its KGB and rather frank matter of dealing with its dissidents, the NATO nations preferred to frame their dissidents or have them die while in police custody.

As the USSR dissolved, the narrative in the West shifted from a question of whether or not it could avoid a clash of civilization with Russia and instead replaced Russia with a notional form of Islam that suited the narrative. The tolerant Islam as practiced by most Muslims around the world had to be discarded in favor of characterizing it as some sort of evil empire that hated the West. “For its freedoms,” ironically. Radicals that happened to be Muslim fit the bill nicely. Why no radical Buddhists or Hindus? Such radicals exist, but because they’re not in areas of geopolitical importance, the West had no need to rile them up.

Note that, when radical Muslims were busy destroying Russian or Russian-backed forces, they were 100% Official Friends of the West. When Gulbuddin Hekmatyar was blowing up T-72s in and around Kabul, the West praised him as a freedom-loving Mujaheddin. When the deal to build a US-backed pipeline across Afghanistan fell through, he became a dirty rotten terrorist. The plans to kick him and his Taliban out of power in Afghanistan were already underway in 2001 when the events of 11 September happened.

The same can be said for Chechens that want to rip into Russia. Those guys constitute a “moderate opposition group” to Assad in Syria, even though they’re foreign fighters that are there to acquire experience, equipment, and allies. They’re going to go home to roost in Russia, so the CIA has had no problem providing them with arms, along with the Turks and Saudis. That the Boston Marathon bombers were Chechen has been largely glossed over in the US media, the more to focus on their being aspects of evil Islam. Were we to make the Chechen connection, it would be much harder to use those forces to overthrow Assad in Syria.

Which brings me back to the GLADIO story: the USA and its allies are arming and training the radicals in Syria. Saudi Arabia is full of organizations that exist to radicalize people. We’ve known about the Saudi radicalization since the 1990s, and the Syrian operation is the latest in a string of operations that saw the USA and its allies arm extremely violent groups in Libya, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Yemen. When violence from those groups arrives in Western nations, how much of that is orchestrated by the state, in order to keep driving the public demand for more limitations on its freedom in the name of national security – which measures serve only to perpetuate the power of those at the top, not to protect the people from the thugs that kill indiscriminately.

“Clash of civilization” is merely a line of propaganda that suits the needs of the powerful. Should China arise to threaten the West, then I would expect a resurrection of “Yellow Peril” propaganda and a sudden realization that Muslims really are our friends, as evidenced by all those freedom-loving Muslims out in Western China, struggling mightily against the dictatorship there…

By the way, between the invasion of Tibet and Nixon’s visit to China, the USA did sponsor radical Buddhists as they committed acts of terror against the Chinese authorities. The USA did so through the CIA and the brother of the Dalai Lama. When Nixon wanted better relations with China, the aid drops to the Tibetan terrorists suddenly stopped. We now see Buddhists popularly as a bunch of vegetarian pacifists, even though there are some Buddhists that would kill their own mothers if it would get them gain in the world. If it ever suits our needs to target Buddhists as a threat to justify authoritarian legislation in the West, the Buddhists will be targeted, make no mistake.

So, in conclusion, people in general want to live in harmony, even if we have different ways of believing. It is our curse to have leaders that use the radicals that will murder to get gain in order to further their own illicit gain. Those radicals have had different ethnic backgrounds and political views, but they are united by their love of murder, making them – and their political masters – the true common enemy of the West.