MAKE UNDERS: HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT

Yikes.

THIS is a prime example of glamour. Nothing natural about this at all. Well, she does look natural here, as in embalmed.

Nobody alive looks like this for long. That hair is airbrushed perfect after 27 cans of hair spray get it into place. The earrings have probably been glued to her neck to prevent them from moving from their perfect perches. The pose is unreal, the background non-existent outside a photo studio, and that makeup is thick.

How thick? Well, I tried laying down an unsharp mask multiple times and although I brought out what the airbrushing hid in her arms and the exposed bit of chest, it did absolutely nothing for her face. That face stayed near-perfect through everything I did. That means she wasn't just airbrushed. She had someone lay on maybe a quarter-inch or more of makeup. I suspect lead-based paints may have been involved or perhaps a latex finish...

So what can I do with this one? How about let a little of the natural woman shine through. After all, Gwyneth isn't an ugly woman. Sure, she's all bony and stuff, but she still has a beautiful face and a lovely smile. Let her be natural.

I made four tiny changes here. First, I put in a little pit stubble, because maybe it's been a few days since her last armpit shave. Next, a spot on her hairline. People all the time got spots there, for various reasons. I didn't even make it a zit, it's just a bit of slight discoloration. Anyone can get over it. I also touched up a bit of darkness on the upper lip. Lots of women have a little fuzz there and don't always have time to bleach it. Finally, a row of freckles under the eyes and over the nose. Nothing wrong with that, unless you're trying to sell clothes or makeup. Let's put the pictures side by side for comparison.

Let's see it stand on its own... You can hardly see the changes now, except for the armpit hair. Moral of the story: shave or wear a sweater. Everything else won't get noticed.

Amazing how fragile and impermanent glamour can be, isn't it? Well, I'll delve next into some of Ms. Paltrow's more natural and un-airbrushed poses and see what's right and wrong with her appearance in those. See you then.

Back to the Make Unders

Return to Zzzptm Pictures

Return to Zzzptm Main Page